so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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