you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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