i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
