I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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