I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
