I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
