Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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