He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
