You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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