one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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