it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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