if you like me you must not know who I am
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
