The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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