But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
