I feel like abortions should bother me more
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
