found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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