ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
