So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
