he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
pop tarts are not kleenex
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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