ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
