im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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