are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
