also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
