I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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