So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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