He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
