I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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