Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
