Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
