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well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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