capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities