The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
