i will never coherently bang her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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