I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
