Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
