and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
