I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
