I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
