You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He? As in you personified your dick?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
