I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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