This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
