Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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