Texts From Last Night

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  (941): View more from Florida

  I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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  (941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs
  Replies (13) Good night (5209) Bad night (799)
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  (408): View more from California

  she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.

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  (408): she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night. http://tfl.nu/jplo
  Replies (16) Good night (758) Bad night (3678)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

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  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (61) Good night (19048) Bad night (2035)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

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  (804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday... http://tfl.nu/fzwu
  Replies (36) Good night (8049) Bad night (1451)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis

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  (203): apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis http://tfl.nu/rw8g
  Replies (2) Good night (4478) Bad night (748)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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  (817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m
  Replies (12) Good night (6548) Bad night (1190)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.

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  (302): This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/kdws
  Replies (8) Good night (3072) Bad night (1565)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.

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  (903): Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand. http://tfl.nu/dh2g
  Replies (13) Good night (2537) Bad night (1422)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?

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  (404): Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right? http://tfl.nu/zhkv
  Replies (7) Good night (2801) Bad night (879)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

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  (845): You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign. http://tfl.nu/2tl8
  Replies (15) Good night (2644) Bad night (942)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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  (610): She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out http://tfl.nu/xh8n
  Replies (2) Good night (1480) Bad night (621)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."

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  (208): It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate." (1-208): My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time." http://tfl.nu/9ozo
  Replies (3) Good night (1165) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!

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  (817): Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly! http://tfl.nu/9don
  Replies (7) Good night (1335) Bad night (745)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10

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  (817): A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10 http://tfl.nu/8aoh
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (333)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together

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  (724): I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together http://tfl.nu/fgbj
  Replies (0) Good night (545) Bad night (255)

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