We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
operation harelip BJ is a go
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus