she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.