You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My ass is underappreciated