OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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