walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
