You can't special order awesome
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
