Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize