you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
