drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
