Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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