Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
