You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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