You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
