too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
