i think i have herpe
just one?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
