All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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